The Greatest Good You Can Do For Another

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own."

~Benjamin Disraeli

 

As a life coach, this is what we do for our clients all the time. We support them to uncover who they are, including their potentially hidden talents, passions, interests, values, and life purpose and help them embrace themselves for the amazing, unique, wonderful, resourceful and creative human being they are.

 

Yet this is a gift we can all give to each other - as a teacher to our students, as a parent to our children, as a manager to an employee, as a co-worker to a teammate, as a sports coach to a player, as a mentor to a mentee, as a spouse to our partner, as a friend to someone we care about, and the list goes on.

 

So next time you notice someone's brilliance, just share it with them. It means much more than you may think...

 

 

Manuela supports women in discovering their brilliance! You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and Empowerment Workshops. 

 

What Is A True Friend?

“I really have a hard time being authentic with my friends,” one of my clients told me the other day. “It seems like all they are interested in is the happy and excited “me.” But I am not happy all the time. I get stressed, too, and sometimes I am sad and frustrated. I just don’t feel like I can show that part of myself.”

“There was a time when I was going through a difficult time, and I really needed support, but I noticed that my friends seemed to all pull back and after a while they did not talk to me anymore. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I finally asked one of them. She told me that I had become so negative, I wasn’t fun to be around anymore. I hadn’t even noticed that I had become that way. I just wish somebody had told me earlier, rather everybody just disappearing. Isn’t that what friends are for – telling you the truth?”

One of the things that I have learned on my journey of life so far is that we cannot go it alone. We need support along the way. And friends are a great source of support. However, how much support are you supposed to provide as a friend? Does being a friend mean that you patiently listen to endless complaints? Or does it mean that you suppress what you are really feeling, in order to be considerate to your friends?

We need to take responsibility on both sides. I am a strong believer in authenticity. We need to be true to ourselves in order to lead fulfilling lives. And part of that means being able to express how we feel and share what we are going through. However, it is not fair to our friends to burden them with all of our problems every time we talk to them. This is where self-responsibility comes in. 

If you know that you are dealing with some serious issues or have been unhappy for quite some time, you need to get help from a professional. You wouldn’t run to your friend every time you had an issue with your physical health, expecting them to fix it, would you? And if you are the friend on the receiving end, you can help by encouraging them to get the professional support they need, whether it’s through a therapist, a support group, a coach, or a counselor. They may not even realize that they have become so unhappy or negative, and an outside perspective can really help them. It is ok for you to take care of yourself by setting boundaries to how much emotional support you are able to provide.  A true friend will understand.

So yes, we can be ourselves and share who we are, including our “flaws” and our not-so-happy emotions. But let’s not abuse that privilege. Let’s take responsibility for getting help to be emotionally healthy, so we can come to our friendships full, ready to share our love and caring, rather than arriving empty, expecting the other person to fill us up.  

We need to take care of ourselves first, so we can be there for others.      

Manuela helps professional women reduce their stress and regain balance, so they can lead more enjoyable lives. You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.

Are You Acting Out of Fear or Love?

“Every action taken by a human being is based in love or fear, not simply those dealing with relationships… Every single free choice you ever undertake arises out of one of the only two possible thought there are: A thought of love or a thought of fear. 

Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms.

Love is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals.

Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, Love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, Love gives all that we have away. Fear holds close, Love holds dear. Fear grasps, Love lets go. Fear rankles, Love soothes. Fear attacks, Love amends.

Every human thought word or deed is based in one emotion or the other. You have no choice about this because There is nothing else from which to choose. But - you have free choice about which one of these to select.”
~Neale Donald Walsch

I read this quote a long time ago, but it continues to be relevant to me every day. It’s asking a very important question: Are you acting out of fear or love in your life?

When you are at work, do you try to do everything on your own, with as little help as possible? Do you try hard to control things rather than getting input? Do you hold on to information rather than sharing it? If so, you are acting out of fear.

In your relationships, do you try to protect yourself so you won’t get hurt? Do you feel resentment or guilt about things that happened in the past? Do you feel alone or separate? If so, then it’s fear that is closing you down.

I sometimes notice myself closing down or feeling anxious about my business or about a situation with another person. At times, I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and hide or I get the urge to escape and distract myself by playing computer games or eating chocolate. What feelings come up for you when you are in fear?

Once we notice that we are in fear, we can make a choice to act out of love instead. To decide to trust that things will work out, to be compassionate and open, and to feel connected to others and the world. How do we step out of fear and anxiety into love and joy?

First, treat yourself with self-compassion. Instead of judging and criticizing yourself, talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. Your best friend has your back, supports you, encourages you, consoles you, and celebrates with you. (This one minute video can help get you in touch with that part of you: http://youtu.be/wO6VPWi1SxA)

Then, get some support. Talk to people or spend time in groups that are positive and who you trust: Friends, family members, coaches or therapists, mentors, colleagues, church groups, dance classes, support groups, volunteer groups, etc. You want to put yourself in environments that are uplifting and inspiring.

Finally, take action. If we just stay in our head, it’s easy for the fear to keep on growing. Take a step based on love, toward what you want and what is important to you. 

Which choice will you make today: Fear or Love?