Monday, April 29, 2013

You Come to Love, Not by Finding the Perfect Person

"You come to love, not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."         ~Sam Keen
I am amazed how often we hold back our love. We might be waiting for the "perfect person" to come along, so we can finally shower him or her with all our love. Or we might be waiting for the person who we are in a relationship with (whether romantic or not) to finally change and improve their "flaws", so we can fully love them.
What would happen if we fully loved the people in our lives just the way they are, with all their imperfections? 
Would that act by itself initiate a change that would otherwise not have been possible? Would it create an environment for the other person to really be themselves and bring out their best self? Would it bring more of the love into our life that we have been looking for all along?       
Manuela is helping smart and creative women bring more love and happiness into their lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Any time I am in resentment I am not taking care of myself

"Any time I am in resentment, I am not taking care of myself. I am blaming someone else for something I need to do."

It's so easy to see the faults in other people and react to what they have "done to us." But if we stay in resentment, we are now continuing to hurt ourselves. 

Let's not hurt ourselves. Let's love ourselves. By choosing love, peace, joy, serenity, kindness, compassion, generosity and faith over fear, greed, jealousy, anger, bitterness, negativity and anxiety.

By respecting ourselves, by being compassionate with ourselves, and by giving to ourselves what we need.

By learning from the past and making new choices for the future.    ♥ 

Manuela is helping smart and creative women bring more happiness into their lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Let Go of the Past and Embrace the Future

Let Go of the Past and Embrace the Future

Why is letting go so hard to do? After all, the past is the past, right? 

Yet oftentimes, we spend time occupying ourselves with things that happened in the past. Someone may have wronged us, disappointed us, or let us down. It might have been a friend, a co-worker, an ex or a family member. 

And we find it hard to let go of that event or situation. We may still feel hurt, betrayed, or angry, even years after the fact. And we continue to carry these negative emotions with us. 

I have talked to people who are still bitter years after their divorce. I have met professionals who are having a hard time coming to terms with having been laid off. I know adults who still resent their parents.

Some well-meaning friends may be telling us to just forgive and forget. But that’s easier said than done.

We somehow know that holding on to the past is not allowing us to move into the future, where new possibilities and opportunities await us. But how do we move past our resentment?

I believe that the key to letting go of the past is to practice self-responsibility. If we see the event in the past as something that somebody did to us, where we were the victim, we make ourselves powerless. "He or she did this to me." "There was nothing I could do." We may continue to replay what happened and just continue the cycle of our negative emotions.

If we look for parts of the event that we can take responsibility for, where we have some control, something interesting happens. We have now empowered ourselves. We can look for other ways to respond and choose to do something different in the future. We can take action.

How do we take self-responsibility? Just ask yourself this magic question:  What part of this situation can I be responsible for?

This is not about looking for who to blame. It is just looking for facts. (If you are blaming yourself for what happened, please see my article on self-compassion.)

For example, let’s say that a friend lied to you and when you finally found out you were furious and now the friendship is over. What part of the situation can you take responsibility for? Maybe you felt that something wasn’t right, but you didn’t ask further questions. Maybe part of you didn’t want to know the truth. Maybe you chose to let previous smaller lies slide. You can also take responsibility for your reactions.

Whatever piece you can find to take self-responsibility for, make a decision about what good can come out of this and what you want to commit to for the future.

What would be possible for you if you let go of the past and embraced the future? 

Manuela is helping smart and creative women let go of their past, so they can maximize their potential! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Letting Go is Knowing that There's a Future

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future."
~Daphne Rose Kingma 

Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, because we are afraid. Because it's the only thing we know, and even though it is not great, we are even more afraid of the unknown, even though it could be better.
Once we are willing to believe that there is a better future out there for us, we can let go of the old, move beyond it, and take responsibility for creating a brighter tomorrow.