Brené Brown wrote a beautiful book titled “The Gifts of Imperfection”, which is a blessing, especially to those of us who are recovering perfectionists. She has collected thousands of stories all over the country and found that we all struggle with shame and the fear of not being enough. As a result, many of us are afraid to be our true selves. She found that how much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but loving ourselves and embracing our vulnerability is even more essential, for our own sake and for those who are close to us.
But how do we embrace ourselves, just the way we are, including all of our imperfections? Oftentimes, we have knowingly or unknowingly created some sort of list that we have to satisfy first, before we “are worthy.”
I’ll be worthy if I lose twenty pounds.
I’ll be worthy if I can get pregnant.
I’ll be worthy if I make partner (or become a manager, director, VP, have a successful business, etc.)
I’ll be worthy if everyone thinks I am a good parent.
I’ll be worthy when my parents finally approve.
I’ll be worthy if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend (get engaged, get married, etc.)
It never ends. Once we finally reach one item on our list, we focus on a new one. We have to get to the point where we believe that we are worthy now. Not if or when we reach a certain goal. We are worthy and we are enough RIGHT NOW. There is nothing we need to accomplish first.
I used to have several items on my list I needed to accomplish successfully in order to feel worthy. There was always the next higher work title I needed to get to (first manager, then director etc.) I wanted my parents’ approval. Then there were all the day-to-day goals. What is on your list of things you need to satisfy before you are worthy?
Next time: How to believe that you are worthy right now