Don’t Take Anything Personally

If you have read Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”, “Don’t Take Anything Personally” is the second agreement he encourages us to adopt.  He explains: “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”  That sounds great, but it’s easier said than done. How can we stop taking things personally?

I believe that it all comes back to loving yourself. If you truly accept and love yourself – your body, your mind, your soul – then nothing anyone else says can hurt you. If someone says you are too big or too short, it doesn’t matter - because you know you are perfect the way you are. If someone says that you are stupid, clumsy, too much, inconsiderate, or too different, it doesn’t matter – because you know that there is nothing wrong with you and you love yourself the way you are. The only reason something hurts us is if we believe that it is true.

“But if I think that I am perfect the way I am, then I will never grow and I won’t improve! And I know that I have ‘flaws!’”, you may think.  Yes, of course we all have things that we may want to work on. And that’s ok. But don’t hold out on loving yourself, just because you haven’t reached a certain ideal yet. If we love ourselves, it doesn’t mean that we stop to grow. It actually makes it easier to change because we are being compassionate with ourselves and are using positive reinforcement as opposed to criticizing and blaming ourselves and using negative reinforcement. (You can look at my post from last week to read more about self-compassion.)

So invite you to continue to practice loving yourself, so you don't take things personally. If someone says something to you and you notice that you are starting to take it personally, take a deep breath and be kind to yourself. What are you believing that makes you take this personally? That you are not good enough, not perfect, not a good Mom, or not a good person? Be kind and compassionate with yourself. It's ok. Everyone has something to work on. You are still a good person. You are still loved. ♥