“You must
give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
~Joseph Campbell
We often
think we are in control of our own destiny. We have heard that if we plan,
identify goals, visualize, pray, think
positively, set intentions, work hard, etc. we will get what we really want.
But sometimes when we finally get what we thought we desired, we realize that
it isn’t what we wanted at all.
I have
talked to many professionals who have worked hard in their job, climbing up the
career ladder, only to realize that their work didn’t give them the fulfillment they wanted. Singles who thought that finding a boyfriend or girlfriend would
finally make them happy, only to realize that they still weren’t. People who
finally got the dream house and sports car, but were still missing something.
It’s
important to identify why we want to achieve a certain goal and dream, because
oftentimes it’s not the goal and dream that is the key, but what we really want
to experience and feel. If you want to find out what is really behind your
dream, check out my previous blog post.
But life also
has a strange way of throwing things into our path that we didn’t plan or wish
for. There are unexpected hardships, illnesses, the loss of a loved one, a
failing business, the betrayal of a friend etc. What then? We didn’t ask for
any of these things to happen. They don’t fit the dream we had for our life.
What do we do with them?
A natural
reaction is often to resist those unwanted situations. “I didn’t ask for this
to happen.” “I can’t believe this is happening.” “I wish this didn’t happen.”
Maybe we start blaming someone else. But none of these reactions actually help
us deal with the situation effectively.
We may not
be able to change the situation, but we can choose who we want to be in this
circumstance and how we want to act. We can ask ourselves: “What are my values?”
Maybe it’s honesty or compassion, integrity or connection, courage or
generosity, humor or peace? What is a way to deal with the situation in
accordance to your values?
There is
no perfect life. Nobody’s life ever goes completely according to plan. Everyone
experiences unexpected turns at some point. It’s useless to wish it were
otherwise. But that doesn’t mean that life can’t be joyful, peaceful and
fulfilling. All we got to do is shift our focus from what is “happening to us”
to how we want to be and how we want to act as a result. The one part we can
take responsibility for is ourselves, and empower ourselves in the process.
