Self-Responsibility is a very powerful concept. It means that I am willing to take
responsibility for my actions, for reaching my goals and desires, for my
well-being and my life! Nobody else can do this for me.
There are times in our lives when we feel down, think we are
a victim, or life appears to be just “happening” to us. We might think: If only
someone came to get me out of this. If only someone would make me happy. If
only something would happen to make this go away. If only someone would really
love me. If only someone could truly understand me…
The sobering truth is, no genie will appear to grant us our
wishes, no prince or princess will come and rescue us, and no fairy godmother will
wave her magic wand.
But here is the good news: You are your own genie, you are
the prince or princess, and you are your own fairy
godmother! You are the one you have been
waiting for: That someone who can get you out of this, make you happy, love you
and understand you is…yourself!
You will probably need help and support along the way (we
all do), but you have to be the one who takes action to ask for and get the help
and support you need.
Of course we don’t have control over everything. This is not
about holding ourselves responsible for matters beyond our control. However, we
have so much more power than we are aware of!
The power of this principle became even clearer to me in the
context of holding resentment and blaming others. When I was younger, I held a
lot of resentment against my parents. I blamed them for many things, including
my own unhappiness. However, it got me nowhere. Resentment and blaming just kept
me stuck. I just kept on wishing for things to be different.
Claiming self-responsibility meant that I had to start asking
myself what I could take responsibility for. This is different from blaming
yourself – it’s not about finding fault. It’s just asking yourself what role
you are playing in this. In my case, I could take responsibility for not
speaking up, for not sharing how I truly felt. Once I realized that, I was able
to take action by having more open conversations. It was a process, but I was able to realize
what lessons I could learn and what good could come from this, and I was finally able to let go.
Before, I had a very convenient story: I could see myself as
a victim, feel sorry for myself, and wish for things to change
magically or for someone to come and rescue me. But none of this helped me move
forward. It just kept me where I was.
Wishing or blaming keeps you stuck. Taking
self-responsibility helps you move forward.
Here are some questions that can help you kick-start this process:
If you could give up blaming your parents, your ex, your boss,
or your co-worker and take responsibility for your actions, what would you realize?
What would you be able to do?
If you took responsibility for your behavior with other
people, what would happen?
If you could accept that you are responsible for your own
happiness, what would you go out and do?
Take a few moments to write down what answers come to you,
without thinking for long and without editing. Then read what you have written.
What are you aware of now?
This is the 3rd Pillar from Dr. Nathaniel
Branden’s book “The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem.” For more on self-responsibility,
see: http://www.nathanielbranden.com/discussions/self-esteem/all-about-responsibility/
I got it!!! [laughing]
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