Letting Go is Knowing that There's a Future

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future."

~Daphne Rose Kingma 

Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, because we are afraid. Because it's the only thing we know, and even though it is not great, we are even more afraid of the unknown, even though it could be better.

 

Once we are willing to believe that there is a better future out there for us, we can let go of the old, move beyond it, and take responsibility for creating a brighter tomorrow. ♥

Ch-ch-ch-Changes Part II: Being in the moment

How much of your life are you living in the moment? I mean, really, really being in the present moment, enjoying it and taking it in whether good or bad, not wishing something was over or anticipating the next thing? 

 To truly love yourself you have to be in the moment, because it’s not about loving the person you used to be or the person you are hoping to be in the future. It is about loving yourself RIGHT NOW, in this moment, just the way you are.

But far too often, especially when we are going through a change or transition, we think of it as something to “get through” or “get over with” in order to arrive at whatever the next milestone is. I know I was really looking forward to finish moving. I just talked to a friend who can’t wait to be in a relationship again. And I know some people who are very eager to find their next career.

The same thing can also happen when we are engaged in something we really want to do. When we are performing in a show, we might anticipate the actual performance so much or be so busy preparing, that we are not fully enjoying all the moments leading up to it. When taking care of a loved one, we may be completely engrossed in the next thing we need to do rather than being fully there.   

How can we be more in the present moment and enjoy it more fully? By building a new habit and practicing it: We can remind ourselves throughout the day to just stop and breathe and really appreciate the moment, no matter what we are doing. Tell yourself: “I am going to take this moment to really enjoy being here.”

But what if you are going through something you really don’t enjoy (moving, doing your taxes, looking for a job, cleaning your place, etc.)? Simply make a decision that you are going to enjoy the process as much as you can. Even though I generally don’t like moving, I made a decision that I was going to enjoy the process, and as a result I felt much more content throughout my recent move. I focused on the good parts – spending time with my boyfriend while packing and carrying boxes and furniture – and I tried to use humor as much as possible.

How about if you are going through a hard time or are feeling really sad or angry? Just allow yourself to be in the moment and let yourself feel the sadness, anger or whatever emotion you are going through. All those feelings that are not happy are part of us and our lives, too. So we want to accept and honor them as well.

Take a moment now. Be really present. Breathe. Take in just being here, right now, being alive. In this moment, there is nothing you have to do, nobody you have to be. Just be…  

Ch-ch-ch-Changes: Every Transition begins with an Ending

We all go through changes in our lives. Many times it’s something external that happens – a job change, getting married, moving, losing someone close to us, returning to school, welcoming a new baby or having a son or daughter move out of the home – but sometimes it’s an internal change – discovering a  new dream, reaching new insights about yourself or deepening your awareness. 

The last few months have brought a number of changes for me: moving out of my old neighborhood, adopting a puppy with my boyfriend, and moving in together to a new place. The changes are ones that I wanted and they allow for so many new possibilities – yet no matter whether the change is desired or not, it is always a time of transition that requires adjustment.

Dealing with the outer change is one thing – we can make to-do lists, check off action items, get the packing done, the interviews, applications, read relevant books, etc.  But we often don’t think about the inner adjustments that also need to take place: letting go of who we used to be, changing the definition of who we are, and becoming our new self.

Sometimes we are sad about letting go of the old, and part of us may still hold on to it. It may make us wonder whether that is a sign that the change was a bad idea. When I turned in the keys to my old place, I felt a wave of sadness. This was the last time I would be walking in and out of this home. I looked around, just trying to take in everything. The sadness took me by surprise, but in retrospect, it makes a lot of sense. This place was my home for the last few years and it was part of how I identified myself: This is where I live. It was now time to say good-bye and let go of that part of my identity.

Becoming a puppy Mommy was another big shift. It has certainly changed my day-to-day life, activities, and thoughts. With changes like these, where so many people are excited for you, it sometimes feels like there “shouldn’t” be any letting go or grieving of the past. But it is a significant change – your life is very different from before and there is a loss of some freedom and alone-time. Loving yourself means that it’s ok to be sad about that and grieve the loss of your old life. It’s all part of the process to make the transition to embracing my new life.

The same thing goes for moving in together – it’s exciting and wonderful, AND it is a big change as well. From agreeing on how to organize and decorate to the loss of personal space and time.  Mourning the loss of my old life doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy our new life. 

As much as we may want to rush past them – endings are the first part of any transition. This is the time to practice self-compassion and allow ourselves the time and space to grieve the loss of the way things were so you can let go of the old life. What events have brought change into your life in the past year? Have you allowed yourself to be sad and let go of your old life or old self before jumping into a new beginning?