Keep Asking Until You Find the Answers

 

"Some people fold after making one timid request. They quit too soon. Keep asking until you find the answers."

~Jack Canfield

Why is it sometimes so hard to ask for what we want? It could be because we don't want to appear selfish, or maybe we don't want to rock the boat or we are afraid to be told 'no' and feel rejected.

So when we finally get up our courage and ask for something that is important to us and we hear the dreaded "no," we often stop right there. After all, who wants to get rejected over and over again?

But did you know that in sales, there are usually four or five "no's" before a "yes?" I was amazed when I found out that was the case. And I started to think about what that meant if we applied it to our life. 

What if it was proof that rejection is not something to take personally, but just the natural order of life? What if we knew and expected that there will always be "no's" when we try to pursue something that we want, but that didn't mean that we won't be able to achieve it?

 

Think of something you really want to have in your life. Maybe it's the career of your dreams, a Soulmate, more balance and less stress in your life or something else. Would it be worthwhile to go out and go for it (and risk hearing some "no's") before you give up on it? 

Manuela teaches women life strategies to find success in their careers and personal lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and Empowerment Workshops. 

   

How to Feel Less Stressed, Anxious and Depressed, and Happier, more Resilient and Optimistic

If you had never felt stressed or anxious before, you would be alone in this world. One of the most common complaints I hear from my clients over and over again is that they are feeling overworked or overwhelmed and trying to find balance in their life. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was something simple you could do that would help you feel less stressed, anxious and depressed, and happier, more resilient and optimistic instead?

Well, it turns out there is!  It is… the practice of Self-Compassion.

What is Self-Compassion?  Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, like a best friend would. Instead of criticizing yourself or judging yourself, when you are having a difficult time, feel like you made a mistake, or don’t like something about yourself, you are supportive and encouraging toward yourself.  

But if I am not hard on myself, will I be motivated to get things done or to do better? Yes! Self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook and be self indulgent. It’s using our desire for happiness, connection, and love as our primary motivation, as opposed to using guilt, shame and fear, which makes ourselves feel bad and adds stress and anxiety to our life.

If we are able to be more compassionate toward ourselves, we can approach things that give us joy and meaning and hold ourselves accountable.

But how can we increase our Self-Compassion? Here are a couple of ways to begin practicing.

1.       Give Yourself a Hug

That’s right. An easy way to calm and comfort yourself when you’re feeling badly is through soothing touch.

Research shows that self-compassion may be a powerful trigger for the release of oxytocin. Higher levels of oxytocin strongly increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness.

Next time you notice that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or self-critical, try giving yourself a warm hug, or tenderly stroking your arm or face, or gently rocking your body. Convey love, care and tenderness with your gesture. Notice how your body feels after receiving the comforting touch.

2.       Be Your Best Friend

At the end of the day, think about the worst thing that happened to you.  Write a paragraph to yourself about the situation with self-compassion. What would you say to your best friend in your position? Show understanding and kindness for yourself, and include what you need to hear to feel nurtured and soothed.   

For example, let’s say you found out that you didn’t get the job you interviewed for.  You can write something like: “I can see how upset you are. You really wanted that job. It is difficult to receive a rejection. But you really did your best. There is a job out there that is a good fit.”

It may feel funny or strange at first, but with practice, self-compassion will feel more and more comfortable and will come more naturally. As we become more self-compassionate, we feel happier, more resilient and more optimistic. And it not only benefits us – it gives us more emotional energy to be there for others and give more support to our loved ones. 

How will you practice Self-Compassion today?

For more information about research on Self-Compassion, I highly recommend Dr. Kristin Neff’s Website.

Manuela teaches women life strategies to find meaning, balance, and personal success! You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and Empowerment Workshops.

Letting Go is Knowing that There's a Future

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future."

~Daphne Rose Kingma 

Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, because we are afraid. Because it's the only thing we know, and even though it is not great, we are even more afraid of the unknown, even though it could be better.

 

Once we are willing to believe that there is a better future out there for us, we can let go of the old, move beyond it, and take responsibility for creating a brighter tomorrow. ♥

The Courageous Step

At the end of last year, I chose “Courageous” as my quality that I want more of for 2013 (See: The World Hasn’t Ended, NowWhat?) So I was drawn to the following writing by David Whyte. 



 “The Courageous Step
Why is it so difficult to take the first, necessary, close-in, courageous step to claiming our happiness in life? Perhaps, because taking that step immediately leads to a kind of radical internal simplification, where, suddenly, large parts of us, parts of us that had been kept gainfully employed for years; parts of us we thought absolutely necessary to the story, are suddenly out of a job. There occurs in effect a massive form of internal corporate downsizing, where the naysayers in us that do not wish to participate are let go, with all of the accompanying death-like trauma, and where the last fight occurs, a rear guard disbelief that this new, less complicated self, is equal to the new possibilities ahead. –It is always hard to believe that the courageous step is so close to us, that it is closer in than we could imagine, that in fact, we already know what it is, and that that step is simpler, more radical than we had thought: which is why we so often prefer the story to be more complicated, our identities equally clouded by fear and the answer safely in the realm of impossibility.” ~David Whyte
 

I love his question “Why is it so difficult to take the first, necessary, close-in, courageous step to claiming our happiness in life?” Because it is so true. Sometimes we know exactly that we need to take a step to make the change we want. But that step seems oh so hard.

The conclusion is right on, too: “We so often prefer the story to be more complicated, our identities equally clouded by fear and the answer safely in the realm of impossibility.”

When I really dig down deep and ask myself why I am making things more complicated than they need to be, I find that the answer is ultimately: fear.

It feels safer to believe that what we want isn’t really possible or it is too difficult. That way we don’t have to risk failure or disappointment.

Yet what do we give up by not taking that courageous step? If the answer is “happiness”, is that a price you are willing to pay?

You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.

 

Are You Acting Out of Fear or Love?

“Every action taken by a human being is based in love or fear, not simply those dealing with relationships… Every single free choice you ever undertake arises out of one of the only two possible thought there are: A thought of love or a thought of fear. 

Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms.

Love is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals.

Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, Love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, Love gives all that we have away. Fear holds close, Love holds dear. Fear grasps, Love lets go. Fear rankles, Love soothes. Fear attacks, Love amends.

Every human thought word or deed is based in one emotion or the other. You have no choice about this because There is nothing else from which to choose. But - you have free choice about which one of these to select.”
~Neale Donald Walsch

I read this quote a long time ago, but it continues to be relevant to me every day. It’s asking a very important question: Are you acting out of fear or love in your life?

When you are at work, do you try to do everything on your own, with as little help as possible? Do you try hard to control things rather than getting input? Do you hold on to information rather than sharing it? If so, you are acting out of fear.

In your relationships, do you try to protect yourself so you won’t get hurt? Do you feel resentment or guilt about things that happened in the past? Do you feel alone or separate? If so, then it’s fear that is closing you down.

I sometimes notice myself closing down or feeling anxious about my business or about a situation with another person. At times, I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and hide or I get the urge to escape and distract myself by playing computer games or eating chocolate. What feelings come up for you when you are in fear?

Once we notice that we are in fear, we can make a choice to act out of love instead. To decide to trust that things will work out, to be compassionate and open, and to feel connected to others and the world. How do we step out of fear and anxiety into love and joy?

First, treat yourself with self-compassion. Instead of judging and criticizing yourself, talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. Your best friend has your back, supports you, encourages you, consoles you, and celebrates with you. (This one minute video can help get you in touch with that part of you: http://youtu.be/wO6VPWi1SxA)

Then, get some support. Talk to people or spend time in groups that are positive and who you trust: Friends, family members, coaches or therapists, mentors, colleagues, church groups, dance classes, support groups, volunteer groups, etc. You want to put yourself in environments that are uplifting and inspiring.

Finally, take action. If we just stay in our head, it’s easy for the fear to keep on growing. Take a step based on love, toward what you want and what is important to you. 

Which choice will you make today: Fear or Love?