When Will My Life Finally Begin?

It’s funny. I feel that during some points in our life we wait until our life can “finally begin.” But what does that mean? For some people it’s when they finally meet the man or woman of their dreams. For others it’s if they finally reach a certain position at work. Or when they are finally able to retire and have the time and money to do what they really want to do.

I used to think that way. I used to try to figure out how long I’d have to work until I could finally retire. Until I could quit the job that was not fulfilling me. Until I would finally have the time to do all the things I wanted to do.  And it always seemed so far away.

But then one day it hit me.  I had painted myself into a corner. Why did I have to keep working in the same career and wait until I saved enough money to retire to do all the things I wanted to do? Why not take the time to do them now? Yes, some things I wouldn’t be able to afford to do, but there were so many things on my list that didn’t cost a lot of money.  And I could always go back to work. So I finally let go and quit my job. A number of people have come up to me since and congratulated me for taking the “big risk” to leave my career. Yes, there was some risk involved. But wouldn’t it be a bigger risk to feel stuck and unhappy for the next 20 or 30 years?

It’s human nature to want to stay in the comfort zone and it often feels safer to just stay put rather than taking a risk and making a change. So we often stay in a situation until it becomes so bad that we can no longer stand it or until something blows up. I did not want to wait until a crisis to take action.

And the truth is, it has not been a simple or smooth path since then. There have been some incredible highs and feelings of joy and freedom, as well as some real lows, filled with doubt and anxiety. But one thing I have learned through all of this is that we can influence our experience of life through the beliefs and thoughts that we choose, through the people and environments that we elect to surround ourselves with, and through the strength of our persistence and commitment that we decide to make.

In the end, I believe it is maybe less about the situations that we find ourselves in, and much more about us, and how we see the situation, interpret it, what we think about it and what we do with it. And if that is true, we can truly live the life we want starting right now, this very moment.  There is nothing we have to wait for – we don’t need the knight in shining armor to arrive and we don’t need to be in our dream job. We can "begin our life", or the next chapter in our life, and be happy right here, right now. ♥

What If You Truly Lived In Accord With Your Heart’s Desire?

5 years ago, I was at a workshop, when our workshop leader, Raphael Cushnir, asked us to write what came to our mind when answering the question: What if I truly lived in accord with my heart’s desire?

I just recently reread what I had written 5 years ago. Here are some of the things I put down:

I said that I would continue on the path that I am on, following what I have always wanted to do, without fear or doubt.  I would not worry about failing, because I am doing what I want to do, what I am meant to do. I would try to help people be their authentic selves and facilitate their personal growth. I would not be afraid to try things that might not go anywhere, but would provide me with some learning. I would get a cat, since I have always wanted one. I would not be afraid to make powerful requests of people and ask for what I want and need in order to be successful in my quest. I would find a way to be peaceful every day. I would be in a loving relationship. I would no longer seek approval from the outside or look to others to determine the direction that I am going in. I would see myself as the leader in my own life. 

As I am looking at my life now, I realize that I have indeed followed my heart’s desire over the last 5 years. I am pursuing what I feel is my purpose in life, I am helping others be authentic and further their personal growth. I am a doggie Mommy (not a kitty, but close! ;-) ), I am in a loving relationship, and I have a daily morning practice that brings me peace.  The only difference is that I have pursued all of these things with fear and doubt present every step along the way.

My heart’s desire was that I would take this path without any fear or doubt. Without any worries of failing. Without being afraid to ask for what I want. Without seeking approval from others.

However, the truth is, every time we make changes in our lives, every time we step out of our comfort zone, every time we take a risk or try something new, our fears, doubts, and worries get triggered. They show up in various forms: Our Inner Critic comes out to judge and question what we are doing. We procrastinate in order to avoid failing or making a mistake. We escape into an activity that feels safe, whether that’s watching too much TV, overeating, or surfing the Web for hours on end. Or we throw ourselves into our work or keep ourselves so busy that we can’t breathe.

Can we live our hearts desire? Absolutely. Will fear, doubt, and worry come up along the way? You betcha. Will that keep us from what we really want? That is our choice to make.

If we truly want to live our hearts desire, we need to manage this fear and don’t let it run our life. And that takes practice. We can summon our Inner Champion to motivate and encourage us. We can acknowledge ourselves for every step we take. We can remind ourselves of all the positive feedback we get from others. And we can seek out friends, colleagues, mentors, coaches and groups to help and support us on this journey.

What if you truly lived in accord with your heart’s desire? 

What would your life look like? Take a moment to write down what comes to your mind. And as you embark on your journey of living the life you want, know that fears and doubts may come along for the ride, but if you surround yourself with the right support, they do not have to hold you back.

The First Pillar of Self-Esteem: Living Consciously

Why is Living Consciously so important? Every day, we make choices to be responsible toward reality or evading it. Even if we are not aware of those choices, they do add up and create the reputation we have with ourselves. Sometimes there are some discomforting facts we are faced with, and we make a decision to ignore them. “I know that I’m not eating healthy, but I don’t have time to think about that right now.” “I know that there are issues in my relationship, but maybe they’ll work themselves out…” “I know that I am spending too little time with my children/loved ones/friends, but one day that’ll change…” By evading these facts and ignoring them, we are in essence betraying ourselves.

Living consciously is not just about seeing and knowing reality for what it is, but it also means acting on what we see and know. Staying “unconscious” can seem very inviting – we don’t have to deal with the problem, we don’t have to face uncomfortable feelings, we don’t have to make any changes – but at what cost? Deep inside we know that we are ignoring something important, and it is our self-esteem that suffers as a result.

Looking back on my life, there certainly have been periods when I found comfort in staying “unconscious.” I didn’t want to deal with my personal life, so I decided that I would lose myself in my work. Being a workaholic may have been socially acceptable because I was “focusing on my career”, but the truth is that it is not very different from escaping into any other form of addiction. The purpose is the same: To escape anxiety and pain.

How do we practice Living Consciously, so we don’t betray ourselves, but increase our self-esteem and personal effectiveness instead?  Dr. Nathaniel Branden, the author of “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”, suggests daily sentence completion exercises. First thing in the morning, simply  write one of the following sentence stems and then keep on adding different endings (at least 6), as rapidly as possible, with no pauses to “think.” Don’t worry whether a particular ending is true or significant – any ending is fine, just keep on going.

Here are some stems to work with:

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities today…

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships…

If I bring 5 percent more awareness to (fill in a particular problem you are concerned about – for example, your relationship with someone, a barrier you’ve hit a work, your feelings of anxiety, etc.)…

Do this every day for a week and on the weekend, reread what you have written during the week and write a minimum of 6 endings for the following stem:

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it would be helpful if I…

Try it out and let me know what you discover! =)

For more information on the sentence completion exercises, check out:   

http://www.nathanielbranden.com/exercises/