Congratulations! You're not perfect!

As I was doing more research on Perfectionism, I found this great quote that looks at the topic with a sense of humor.

And since being able to laugh ourselves is a wonderful way to combat Perfectionism, I wanted to share this quote with you. Enjoy! :-)


"Congratulations!  You're not perfect!  It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway.  But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people.  

You know what perfect is?  Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake.  Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all.  Perfect is boring!  

So you're not perfect!  Wonderful!  Have fun!  Eat things that give you bad breath!  Trip over your own shoelaces!  Laugh!  Let somebody else laugh at you!  

Perfect people never do any of those things.  All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are.  But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway.  You should see them when they get the hiccups!  Phooey!  Who needs 'em?  

You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person.  Good people are hard to find nowadays.  And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. " 
 ~Stephen Manes  


If you would like to embrace your imperfections and be happier with yourself and your life, check out our  upcoming 5-week “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

Want to be successful? Stop trying to be perfect.

We might understand that perfectionism does not make us happy, but we may still believe that it will make us successful. After all, we have all heard phrases like “No pain, no gain,” or “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It often seems like we have to go to extremes in order to become successful.

I certainly used to believe so and 10 years ago, I threw myself into my career, working long hours without breaks and sacrificing my personal life in the process. And while it did not bring me a lot of happiness, I was hoping that it would bring me success. If I suffered now, it would be worthwhile if I could be happy later, right?

The problem is that while perfectionism may propel us to perform some great feats (and there are certainly perfectionists who are successful), it is actually limiting.  In “The Pursuit of Perfect”, Tal Ben-Shahar provides 4 reasons while perfectionism can keep us from success.

1.    In order to learn and grow, we must fail. There are examples throughout history, including Thomas Edison and Abraham Lincoln, who have shown this to be true. However, perfectionists want to look good and appear flawless. So making mistakes and failing do not become an option, keeping them from reaching their full potential.

2.    Research in peak performance has shown that we perform best when we feel moderate excitement. But because perfectionists are so resistant to failure, they are often paralyzed by an intense fear and anxiety, which does not allow them to perform at their best.

3.    It takes many years of work to become an expert at something and then more effort to sustain success. It is very difficult for Perfectionists to sustain this kind of effort, because they are focused on the result (the destination) and are unable to enjoy the journey. Because they do not feel happy during the long journey, they often get overwhelmed by the strain and sacrifice of sustaining the effort, and are more likely to give up.

4.    Finally, the perfectionist has an all-or-nothing approach – if it’s not done perfectly, it is not worth doing.  This can lead to procrastination or paralysis, thinking “If I don’t try, I can’t fail.”  The result is a very inefficient use of time, and progress becomes much slower or is halted altogether.

Do any of these seem familiar to you? I recognize all of these symptoms, having lived through them myself. Learning to fail and make mistakes is something I have been practicing over the years, and it’s still something that’s not easy. I still notice when I am afraid to try something new or reach out, not wanting to get rejected.  But now I can choose to take some risks that I weren’t able to tolerate before. I still feel fear and anxiety in certain situations, but it is much less than before, since I am much more accepting of failure and mistakes. I am very familiar with procrastination as well, but telling myself that it doesn’t have to be perfect helps. And while I certainly burned out before in my corporate career with such an intense focus on the destination, I am now really focused on enjoying my daily journey in my coaching business, so I don’t fall into the same trap.

So while success does take some work, it does not mean sacrificing joy and happiness on the way there. If we are just willing to stop trying to be so perfect and accept detours and setbacks as natural, we can enjoy the journey as well as increase our chances of success. Let’s embrace imperfection! 

Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  Check out her upcoming 5-week “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

I Am a Perfectly Imperfect Human Being

I ran across this quote by Jackson Kiddard today and I loved the message of complete self-acceptance as well as the acceptance of others.  We are all perfectly imperfect. What if we could just embrace our imperfections as well as those of others? Wouldn't we be much happier?

His full quote reads:

"Today I affirm that there is nothing in me but love.
This love comes from total acceptance of myself
and the understanding that I am a perfectly imperfect human being.
I will walk through today and allow myself to fully express my perfection.
I realize that all my "faults" are actually the Universe's unique way of expressing itself through me.
I let go of self judgment and any projected judgments of others that I have chosen to believe
and finally allow myself to just be what I truly am:  infinite.
As this is true for me, so it is true for all other beings on the planet.
I will choose to accept everyone in my life with the same radical acceptance I have for myself
knowing that we are all perfectly imperfect human beings simply doing the best we can.
And so it is."

~Jackson Kiddard 



Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!
 

You Are Flawed And Beautiful

"You are flawed, you are stuck in old patterns, you become carried away with yourself. Indeed you are quite impossible in many ways. And still, you are beautiful beyond measure. For the core of what you are is fashioned out of love, that potent blend of openness, warmth, and clear, transparent presence."

~John Welwood

Accepting ourselves completely is the first step toward loving ourselves. 

We are all works-in-progress. We all have weaknesses. And we are still beautiful, loveable, and wonderful. 

Once we can accept ourselves fully, with our strengths and virtues as well as our flaws and limitations, we can love others more fully, too, including their imperfections and weaknesses. 

You do not have to wait until you are perfect to love yourself.   ♥


Manuela is helping smart and creative women bring more love and happiness into their lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops. 

You Come to Love, Not by Finding the Perfect Person

"You come to love, not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."         ~Sam Keen

 

I am amazed how often we hold back our love. We might be waiting for the "perfect person" to come along, so we can finally shower him or her with all our love. Or we might be waiting for the person who we are in a relationship with (whether romantic or not) to finally change and improve their "flaws", so we can fully love them.

 

What would happen if we fully loved the people in our lives just the way they are, with all their imperfections? 

 

Would that act by itself initiate a change that would otherwise not have been possible? Would it create an environment for the other person to really be themselves and bring out their best self? Would it bring more of the love into our life that we have been looking for all along?  ♥     

 

 

Manuela is helping smart and creative women bring more love and happiness into their lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops. 

Feeling Sad, Angry or Stressed? Don’t Let It Overwhelm You!

It happens to all of us. We wake up one morning and just feel miserable. Or we look at the cloudy or rainy sky as we head outside and feel sad. Or we read or hear a comment from someone during the day that makes us feel angry. 

We want to be happy, but instead we just feel sad, angry, anxious, or stressed. Sometimes our thoughts trigger feelings that may seem out of proportion to the event that triggered it. Suddenly we feel pessimistic or see everything as bad or useless. 

I was sick with the flu last week, and I noticed that there were several times I was feeling angry: “I hate being sick!” or sad “I feel miserable. When will I finally get better?” Of course I did get better, but oftentimes, when we are in the middle of it, we get wrapped up in our feelings and feel like it won’t change.

What can we do in those moments of sadness, anger or anxiety? 

First, we have to accept our feelings, as unpleasant as they may seem. Resisting them only reinforces them. Secondly, we have to remember that everything, including our feelings, is impermanent – everything changes all the time. So whatever we are going through and what we are feeling is temporary. I found a few phrases that help remind me of this:

 “This too shall pass.” It’s a proverb that originated with medieval Sufi poets.

“Tomorrow is another day.” Made famous as the last line in “Gone with the Wind.”

“It is what it is, while it is.” I recently came across this one in an article by Dr. Elisha Goldstein: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2012/09/it-is-what-it-is-while-it-is/

I like the last one, because it combines accepting our situation and our feelings “It is what it is” with the realization that it is temporary “while it is.”

Saying these words to yourself can make you more mindful and aware, so you don’t fall into your usual pattern or feel overwhelmed. Try it out next time you get into a funk or feel negative thoughts and feelings coming on. 

What happens when you try one of these phrases? Have you found any other expressions that have helped you?

Finding True Happiness (Even If Life Doesn’t Go As Planned)

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”

 ~Joseph Campbell

We often think we are in control of our own destiny. We have heard that if we plan, identify  goals, visualize, pray, think positively, set intentions, work hard, etc. we will get what we really want. But sometimes when we finally get what we thought we desired, we realize that it isn’t what we wanted at all.

I have talked to many professionals who have worked hard in their job, climbing up the career ladder, only to realize that their work didn’t give them the fulfillment they wanted. Singles who thought that finding a boyfriend or girlfriend would finally make them happy, only to realize that they still weren’t. People who finally got the dream house and sports car, but were still missing something.

It’s important to identify why we want to achieve a certain goal and dream, because oftentimes it’s not the goal and dream that is the key, but what we really want to experience and feel. If you want to find out what is really behind your dream, check out my previous blog post.

But life also has a strange way of throwing things into our path that we didn’t plan or wish for. There are unexpected hardships, illnesses, the loss of a loved one, a failing business, the betrayal of a friend etc. What then? We didn’t ask for any of these things to happen. They don’t fit the dream we had for our life. What do we do with them?

A natural reaction is often to resist those unwanted situations. “I didn’t ask for this to happen.” “I can’t believe this is happening.” “I wish this didn’t happen.” Maybe we start blaming someone else. But none of these reactions actually help us deal with the situation effectively.

We may not be able to change the situation, but we can choose who we want to be in this circumstance and how we want to act. We can ask ourselves: “What are my values?” Maybe it’s honesty or compassion, integrity or connection, courage or generosity, humor or peace? What is a way to deal with the situation in accordance to your values?

There is no perfect life. Nobody’s life ever goes completely according to plan. Everyone experiences unexpected turns at some point. It’s useless to wish it were otherwise. But that doesn’t mean that life can’t be joyful, peaceful and fulfilling. All we got to do is shift our focus from what is “happening to us” to how we want to be and how we want to act as a result. The one part we can take responsibility for is ourselves, and empower ourselves in the process.