Stop Asking “Am I Happy?”

Am I happy? I have often asked myself this question, hoping that it would act as a compass to guide me whether I am in a good place or need to change something. And well-meaning friends have asked me this question, too, wanting to know that I am doing well.

Yet it is sometimes a hard question to answer, because we are not happy every minute of the day. Also, how do we gauge happiness – do we set an internal standard or do we try to compare ourselves to others? And how would we know how happy others truly are?

So I was curious to read Tal Ben-Shar’s book “Happier”, in which he suggests a more helpful question to ask. The question is “How can I become happier?”

He argues that the pursuit of happiness is an ongoing process, not a destination. This finite point when we finally reach perfect happiness does not exist, but we can definitely bring more happiness into our lives.

I always tell people that loving yourself is a practice, not a one-time thing that you do. It’s like working out – you don’t just go the gym once and are set for the rest of your life. Similarly, you don’t just accept yourself and show self compassion once and are done. And in the same way, you don’t just pick a pursuit that makes you happy and are complete.

We sometimes wish for a quick fix, but the truth is that in order to reach most things that we want, we need to establish a practice. Ideally, it’s something we do regularly at a specific time, and is motivated by something that is deeply meaningful to us. 

Because I value being present and aware, my morning Tai Chi practice is very important to me. Since connection, self-expression, and feeling alive are meaningful to me, my weekly dance classes are one of my priorities. And they both contribute to my happiness. What values are important to you and how do you choose to practice them regularly in your life?


Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

The Greatest Good You Can Do For Another

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own."

~Benjamin Disraeli

 

As a life coach, this is what we do for our clients all the time. We support them to uncover who they are, including their potentially hidden talents, passions, interests, values, and life purpose and help them embrace themselves for the amazing, unique, wonderful, resourceful and creative human being they are.

 

Yet this is a gift we can all give to each other - as a teacher to our students, as a parent to our children, as a manager to an employee, as a co-worker to a teammate, as a sports coach to a player, as a mentor to a mentee, as a spouse to our partner, as a friend to someone we care about, and the list goes on.

 

So next time you notice someone's brilliance, just share it with them. It means much more than you may think...

 

 

Manuela supports women in discovering their brilliance! You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and Empowerment Workshops. 

 

Secrets to Happiness: The Happiness Trap

Who doesn’t want to be happy? For many of us, it seems like the ultimate goal in life: We just want to be happy. I hear it from my clients and in my workshops all the time. But if we want it so much, why does it seem so elusive? 

There are a number of things we can do in order to increase our happiness, such as finding meaningful work that uses our signature strengths, participating in activities that allow us to be “in the zone” and feel flow, having strong social relationships, practicing optimism, etc.  However, many of us actually live our life strongly pursuing goals that work against our own happiness. How can this be?

We often work harder to move up in our careers and make more money, rather than taking more time off and spending it with our family and friends. We are looking to move into a bigger place, even if it means increasing our commute times and spending more time in traffic. We try to get by on the short vacation times provided by our employers, rather than taking longer vacations. We are tempted to buy newer and more luxurious appliances, clothes, cars, watches, etc. forcing us to work even harder to afford them. 

I felt trapped in the corporate world for a long time, because I just couldn’t see a way out of this cycle. I thought I really needed the bigger salary in order to afford my living expenses and to be able to save for the future. Somewhere in my mind I seemed to think that living in a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood and having more money to spend would make me happier. But the truth was, I wasn’t feeling happy. So I began to question what I really needed to be happy.  

Why do we get caught up pursuing goals that essentially work against our own happiness? Economist Robert Frank has a simple explanation. This type of “conspicuous consumption” is about acquiring things that are visible to others and are seen as a sign of a person’s relative success. So we strive, work hard, and buy things in order to be seen as successful.  And psychologist Jonathan Haidt explains that we have been shaped by evolution to win at the game of life by impressing others, gaining their admiration, and rising in relative rank. So we are actually conditioned to care about prestige, not happiness. As a result, we end up automatically pursuing goals that do not make us happy.

Once we are aware that some of our natural instincts may not be guiding us toward happiness, we can stop and look at some of the decisions we are making in our life. What are the things that are truly meaningful in your life and actually make you happy? Are you spending your time pursuing them or are you caught up in doing things because you feel like you “should” or “have to”, to feed your ego or to “look” better?

It took me a while to get out of “feeling trapped” in my corporate career. What really helped me was looking at my brother, who was living a much simpler life than I was. So I began to question what I thought I needed to be happy. 

It took going against what society, the media and advertisers were telling me. But I knew that there was another way. It's not that corporate careers are necessarily bad, it's just that I was working against my own happiness without knowing it.

Be aware of the happiness traps and don't get in the way of your own happiness! =)

Manuela is practicing happiness every day and loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.

Is The Life You Are Building Big Enough To Engage And Express Who You Are?

Alright, it's review time for me! I am taking part in Steve Mitten's Mentorship program for coaches and on our last call we were asked to review how far we have come up until now. I feel like I have made some good progress, but one of the questions he asked made me stop and think for a bit. The question was: “Is the business you are building big enough to engage and express who you are?”

And I thought that was a really excellent question we can all apply not just to work, but to our life: "Is the life you are building big enough to engage and express who you are?"

Yes, I have been building my life over the last few years to include many things I love: Dancing jazz, tap, and hip hop to express who I am, performing on stage to take on different characters and share my joy, traveling to discover new areas, having a puppy to share my love with, taking pictures to capture and share the beauty all around us, leading workshops and coaching people who are committed to personal growth, and being able to share all of this with my wonderful boyfriend.

However, as I think about the question, there are more parts of me that want expression.  I want to sing more and act more to express myself in different ways. I want to have more humor in my life and laugh more. I want to create more customized personal growth experiences for people, like retreats and year-long programs to impact their lives more. I want to work with like-minded people more (one thing I miss about working in a corporation is being on the same team with others and working toward a common goal).
The great thing is that once we know what we really want more of, we can go out and create it for ourselves!
Is the life you are building big enough to engage and express who you are?

What is your heart telling you? What part of you wants more expression? What ideas hold the most excitement for you?

Pick an area and do something that brings you more joy, excitement or fulfillment. You really deserve it! And by doing so, you can share your happy energy with others!

It can be just a small step: For example, I just joined Instagram and am finding new joy in sharing more pictures with others.

Or a bigger one: I really do want to organize a retreat for women to take care of themselves and rejuvenate.

What's your next step? =)


Manuela helps professional women reduce their stress and regain balance, so they can lead more enjoyable lives. You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.