How to Feel Less Stressed, Anxious and Depressed, and Happier, more Resilient and Optimistic

If you had never felt stressed or anxious before, you would be alone in this world. One of the most common complaints I hear from my clients over and over again is that they are feeling overworked or overwhelmed and trying to find balance in their life. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was something simple you could do that would help you feel less stressed, anxious and depressed, and happier, more resilient and optimistic instead?

Well, it turns out there is!  It is… the practice of Self-Compassion.

What is Self-Compassion?  Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, like a best friend would. Instead of criticizing yourself or judging yourself, when you are having a difficult time, feel like you made a mistake, or don’t like something about yourself, you are supportive and encouraging toward yourself.  

But if I am not hard on myself, will I be motivated to get things done or to do better? Yes! Self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook and be self indulgent. It’s using our desire for happiness, connection, and love as our primary motivation, as opposed to using guilt, shame and fear, which makes ourselves feel bad and adds stress and anxiety to our life.

If we are able to be more compassionate toward ourselves, we can approach things that give us joy and meaning and hold ourselves accountable.

But how can we increase our Self-Compassion? Here are a couple of ways to begin practicing.

1.       Give Yourself a Hug

That’s right. An easy way to calm and comfort yourself when you’re feeling badly is through soothing touch.

Research shows that self-compassion may be a powerful trigger for the release of oxytocin. Higher levels of oxytocin strongly increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness.

Next time you notice that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or self-critical, try giving yourself a warm hug, or tenderly stroking your arm or face, or gently rocking your body. Convey love, care and tenderness with your gesture. Notice how your body feels after receiving the comforting touch.

2.       Be Your Best Friend

At the end of the day, think about the worst thing that happened to you.  Write a paragraph to yourself about the situation with self-compassion. What would you say to your best friend in your position? Show understanding and kindness for yourself, and include what you need to hear to feel nurtured and soothed.   

For example, let’s say you found out that you didn’t get the job you interviewed for.  You can write something like: “I can see how upset you are. You really wanted that job. It is difficult to receive a rejection. But you really did your best. There is a job out there that is a good fit.”

It may feel funny or strange at first, but with practice, self-compassion will feel more and more comfortable and will come more naturally. As we become more self-compassionate, we feel happier, more resilient and more optimistic. And it not only benefits us – it gives us more emotional energy to be there for others and give more support to our loved ones. 

How will you practice Self-Compassion today?

For more information about research on Self-Compassion, I highly recommend Dr. Kristin Neff’s Website.

Manuela teaches women life strategies to find meaning, balance, and personal success! You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and Empowerment Workshops.

Feeling Sad, Angry or Stressed? Don’t Let It Overwhelm You!

It happens to all of us. We wake up one morning and just feel miserable. Or we look at the cloudy or rainy sky as we head outside and feel sad. Or we read or hear a comment from someone during the day that makes us feel angry. 

We want to be happy, but instead we just feel sad, angry, anxious, or stressed. Sometimes our thoughts trigger feelings that may seem out of proportion to the event that triggered it. Suddenly we feel pessimistic or see everything as bad or useless. 

I was sick with the flu last week, and I noticed that there were several times I was feeling angry: “I hate being sick!” or sad “I feel miserable. When will I finally get better?” Of course I did get better, but oftentimes, when we are in the middle of it, we get wrapped up in our feelings and feel like it won’t change.

What can we do in those moments of sadness, anger or anxiety? 

First, we have to accept our feelings, as unpleasant as they may seem. Resisting them only reinforces them. Secondly, we have to remember that everything, including our feelings, is impermanent – everything changes all the time. So whatever we are going through and what we are feeling is temporary. I found a few phrases that help remind me of this:

 “This too shall pass.” It’s a proverb that originated with medieval Sufi poets.

“Tomorrow is another day.” Made famous as the last line in “Gone with the Wind.”

“It is what it is, while it is.” I recently came across this one in an article by Dr. Elisha Goldstein: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2012/09/it-is-what-it-is-while-it-is/

I like the last one, because it combines accepting our situation and our feelings “It is what it is” with the realization that it is temporary “while it is.”

Saying these words to yourself can make you more mindful and aware, so you don’t fall into your usual pattern or feel overwhelmed. Try it out next time you get into a funk or feel negative thoughts and feelings coming on. 

What happens when you try one of these phrases? Have you found any other expressions that have helped you?

Finding Your Inner Peace

Have you ever had to make a decision and found it hard to figure out what to do, swinging back and forth between your options? Have you ever felt like your mind was spinning with negative thoughts, even though you were trying very hard to stop them? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with what was going on during your day and found it difficult to focus and gain clarity? 

Sometimes we need to find this quiet place within us to just breathe, get in touch with our center and leave all the negative voices, worries, and fears behind. A place where we can just be ourselves. Where we can gain access to our inner wisdom and find balance and peace.

If you have a regular meditation practice, that’s great. That’s one way to get to this place. But what if you feel like you just don’t have the time or patience to meditate? 

      I have found a few activities that help me get in touch with my inner center: 

      1. Taking a Walk or Being in Nature: 

      There is something about just being outside and breathing fresh air that has a calming effect on me. It gets me to stop whatever I am doing and out of my head. 

      

      2. Practicing a One Minute Meditation:

      This is perfect if you need some calmness, but don’t have a lot of time or have found meditation difficult. You can meditate for just one minute and find focus on peace.  Learn how in this great video.

           3. Experiencing the 90 second Relaxation Exercise: This is great if you are doing work on the computer and need to take a quick break.  Just go here to relax…

I invite you to try them out and see if they help you find your quiet place. Or maybe there are other activities that help you find the calmness you seek. What are they? How can you practice them more regularly so you can bring more peace into your life?

Feeling Inspired or Overwhelmed?

This past Saturday, I attended a chapter meeting of the National Speaker’s Association. As usual, there were very dynamic presenters who provided us with lots of very rich information on how to be a more successful speaker. During one of the breaks, I was talking to another attendee who remarked that these programs were great, but they were also a curse. On the one hand, seeing these amazing, successful speakers can be very motivating. You may walk away thinking: “Wow, this is what’s possible! Now I can go out and do that, too!”  On the other hand, you can walk away feeling overwhelmed and demoralized. “Oh my, see how great that speaker is. Look at their amazing Website. Look at all that they have to offer. I am so far away from that. How will I ever get there?”

I realized that I was going back and forth between both of these feelings. Rather than pushing away the overwhelm, I let myself feel it, so I could dig a little deeper to see what was behind it.  What I found was a feeling of “not being as good as” these stellar speakers who seem to have it all figured out. And when I thought about taking action on some of the steps presented, what emerged was a fear of failing, not being good enough, and making mistakes. Aha! These are definitely familiar fears to me – they may sound familiar to you, too.

As I was leaving the meeting, someone asked me whether I was going to go ahead and create a green screen at home to produce professional looking videos with varied backgrounds, as one of the speakers had suggested. I know by now that the best way for me to get out of overwhelm and fear is to take very small, but actionable steps. So I replied that the best first step for me would be to just start creating a short video with no effects – a one minute video. 

It’s ok to experience and feel overwhelm – we all do at some point or another. What’s not productive is staying there. So what I like to do to get out of it is to take action. Preferably, taking a very small, but doable step toward what I want to do. I now have my next step – what is yours?  =)