One Secret to Finding Happiness: Using Your Strengths

Have you ever received a performance review or prepared an evaluation for others? When I worked in the corporate world, I would not particularly look forward to upcoming performance reviews. It meant spending time writing self-evaluations and as a manager, coming up with various ratings and assessments for people in my group. 

The whole evaluation process seemed to focus a lot on pointing out weaknesses and trying to suggest methods to improve different areas to achieve better performance. But research suggests that it makes more sense to focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses.  In “Strengths Based Leadership”, Tom Rath and Barry Conchie argue that leaders who strive to be competent in all areas become the least effective leaders overall.

We often think that in order to be successful, we have to be exactly like the leaders we see around us. The truth is that we all work and lead in different ways. In fact, after 3 decades of research, involving more than 20,000 interviews with people in leadership roles across almost all industries and occupations and looking at their actual performance, Donald Clifton found that there is no definitive list of characteristics that describes all leaders. What he found instead was that great leaders truly know their strengths – and can call on the right strength at the right time.

Using our strengths not only makes us better leaders, it also makes us happier! Martin Seligman, former president of the American Psychological Association, explains that the key to finding activities that are fulfilling and gratifying is to know our own strengths.

Using our signature strengths every day brings us deep emotional satisfaction. It doesn’t matter what area in life we use our strengths in, it can be in our work, our relationships, when raising children, when pursuing hobbies, etc. 

How do you find your strengths? Martin Seligman provides a free “VIA Strengths Survey” on his Website that focuses on core character strengths. Another option is the Clifton Strengthsfinder that is used in workplace assessments (this test requires a code from the Strengthsfinder 2.0 or Strengths Based Leadership book.)

Once you know your strengths, use them as much as you can! It is empowering to understand what you are really good at and can point you toward living life with more meaning and purpose. Your combination of signature strengths is what makes you unique and will enable you to shine and be happier in your work and your life! 

Manuela loves helping smart and creative women bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

Happiness is Available in the Present Moment

"We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive."

~Thich Nhat Hanh

All of our lives we have been trained to work toward our goals and look toward the future to fulfill us. But we have been chasing after an illusion: it is not the reaching of a goal that makes us happy. It is the enjoyment of the present moments on the way toward reaching a meaningful goal that fulfills us.

It sounds so simple, but it takes work and retraining to live life in a way that lets us focus on and savor each present moment. I am still practicing, but I am able to enjoy more and more moments, little by little, every day. I hope you get to take a moment, too, to smile and breathe, on the way towards your goals. You don't have to wait - you can find happiness right here, right now. ♥

Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

How to Set Goals that Make You Happy

Have you ever felt that something was missing in your life and if you only reached this one goal, you would finally feel fulfilled and happy? If only we got that promotion, reached our ideal weight, found our ideal partner, moved into our dream home, or won that award, we would finally find the happiness we have been seeking. 

Unfortunately, reaching these goals oftentimes does not bring lasting happiness. A friend of mine recently got promoted at work and at first she was ecstatic. It was something she had worked so hard for over a long period of time, sacrificing her personal life in the process. But she was surprised by how short-lived her excitement was. A few days later, she no longer felt happy about her accomplishment.

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, one of Harvard’s most popular lecturers and author of “Happier”, describes a similar phenomenon after he won the Israeli national squash championship. At first, he was happier than he had ever imagined himself being. After five years of hard work, training, and pain, he had finally won the title! But the next day, the feeling of bliss disappeared and his feeling of emptiness returned. He despaired, not knowing what to do next, since clearly the goal that he had thought would make him happy, did not. Did this mean that it was useless to pursue any goals?

Actually, the problem does not lie with having goals, but with the kind of goals we set and how we go about pursuing them. To be happy, we need to choose goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful, and we need to take time to enjoy the journey. 

From an evolutionary perspective, we have learned that pleasure or pain follows immediately after behavior, so we have trouble connecting that the actions we take now lead to success in a few months. But when we focus on the pleasurable feeling we get as we make progress toward a goal, we now have a series of happy moments every step of the way.

So goals are really just means, not ends. Rather than expecting that the attainment of a goal will make us happy, we need to recognize that it is really the pleasure of the journey that increases our well being and happiness. The key is to enjoy the here and now while we are working toward a goal.

It also matters what type of goals we set. Research by Kennon Sheldon shows that we would be happier if we focused more on self-concordant goals. These are goals that we pursue because of deep personal conviction or strong interest. We choose them because of a desire to express part of ourselves, rather than a need to impress others. Often these are goals that involve growth, connection and contribution.

So we don’t have to stop setting goals, but we can choose them wisely. If we select goals that are important and meaningful to us (not somebody else) and remember to savor and enjoy every step of the way, we can not only reach them, but make ourselves happier in the process! 

I am going to take a minute now to enjoy this moment and then go off and choose some meaningful goals for next week!  :-)

Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

Create Space for the New by Letting Go of the Past

"The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us...the option to fill the space with something new."

~Susan Faye West

Dwelling in the past undermines our happiness. Every day I hear from people who are resentful about something that happened to them or about a person who they feel did something to them. 

But what if we didn't let the past consume us? If we do the work necessary to let go, we release our burden and are rewarded with new space to enjoy the present moments more. 

It all starts with taking responsibility for our part in the situation, without any blame. Then we can draw our lesson, decide what good can come out of the experience, and commit to something new going forward.

And thereby create new space for more happiness.

Manuela empowers women to bring more happiness into their lives and thrive! You can visit Manuela's Website for Professional Life Coaching and Personal Growth Workshops.   

Anticipation Is The Greatest Joy

"Never forget that anticipation is an important part of life. Work's important, family's important, but without excitement, you have nothing. You're cheating yourself if you refuse to enjoy what's coming."

~Nicholas Sparks

In German we have a saying: "Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude!" which means "The greatest joy lies in the anticipation." And isn't it true that sometimes we look forward to seeing good friends, going on vacation, or enjoying a special meal or dessert, and just thinking about it makes us feel good? 

Some kids are really good at this - they might literally jump up and down in anticipation of a birthday party or Christmas! And Rafa, our doggie, will excitedly wag his tail and have a hard time sitting still when he expects that he is getting a treat.

Research confirms there is truth to this. In the Netherlands, researchers studied 1,530 people and found that the largest boost in happiness comes from the simple act of planning a vacation. In the study, simply anticipating the vacation boosted happiness for eight weeks. After the vacation, happiness quickly dropped back to baseline levels for most people.

How can we apply that principle in our life? If we know that anticipation is an important part of happiness, then we can make sure we plan something to look forward to. I am anticipating quality time with friends and our upcoming dance show, and I think I will go off now and plan our next trip! What are you looking forward to?


Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

Happiness Is The Way, Not the Destination

"All our lives we think happiness is a destination, only to look back and realize that it was the way."

~Robert Brault

Many of us are trapped in the rat race of life, thinking that if we reach a certain goal or a particular destination, we will finally be happy.  However, when we finally arrive at our destination, we often just feel relief that we are no longer under pressure or we feel happy for a brief time. So we quickly focus on our next goal, hoping to catch the next glimpse of relief or happiness, and never really get to enjoy the present. 

In order to experience lasting happiness, we need to enjoy the steps we take on our journey toward a goal that is important to us.  We need to take time to enjoy each day and all the little moments, as we are moving forward toward our dreams and goals. 


Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!

Stop Asking “Am I Happy?”

Am I happy? I have often asked myself this question, hoping that it would act as a compass to guide me whether I am in a good place or need to change something. And well-meaning friends have asked me this question, too, wanting to know that I am doing well.

Yet it is sometimes a hard question to answer, because we are not happy every minute of the day. Also, how do we gauge happiness – do we set an internal standard or do we try to compare ourselves to others? And how would we know how happy others truly are?

So I was curious to read Tal Ben-Shar’s book “Happier”, in which he suggests a more helpful question to ask. The question is “How can I become happier?”

He argues that the pursuit of happiness is an ongoing process, not a destination. This finite point when we finally reach perfect happiness does not exist, but we can definitely bring more happiness into our lives.

I always tell people that loving yourself is a practice, not a one-time thing that you do. It’s like working out – you don’t just go the gym once and are set for the rest of your life. Similarly, you don’t just accept yourself and show self compassion once and are done. And in the same way, you don’t just pick a pursuit that makes you happy and are complete.

We sometimes wish for a quick fix, but the truth is that in order to reach most things that we want, we need to establish a practice. Ideally, it’s something we do regularly at a specific time, and is motivated by something that is deeply meaningful to us. 

Because I value being present and aware, my morning Tai Chi practice is very important to me. Since connection, self-expression, and feeling alive are meaningful to me, my weekly dance classes are one of my priorities. And they both contribute to my happiness. What values are important to you and how do you choose to practice them regularly in your life?


Manuela loves helping others bring more happiness into their lives!  You can visit Manuela's Website for Personal Success Coaching and check out her upcoming “Secrets to Happiness” Workshop!